King of this Heart
by Hobbit of Narnia
Summary: ' "Is that all there is to life?" she cried out in desperation, "Only suffering and grief?" she flung the picture across the room and heard glass shatter.' Susanfic. Short one-shot.


**Disclaimer:** Truly, the characters and world were thought/written up by C.S. Lewis and if you think otherwise you are mistaken.

**Author's Note: **This story was inspired by Matt Redman's "King of this Heart" which is a very beautiful song I highly recommend.

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_Tick, tick, tick_, the clock's hands moved without one moment to lose while Susan slumped into the nearest chair and rubbed her hands over her face. Late as it was sleep seemed impossible. A thought or feeling pricked her mind and would not allow her to close her eyes.

Yawning she leaned back and from the table beside her she gingerly reached for a little frame. It had been gathering dust so she wiped it with the edge of her dressing gown sleeve. Through the scratched glass she saw her loving family: Father, Mother, Peter, Edmund, and her little sister, Lucy. A smile crossed her face for a moment but it clouded into sorrow. She loved her family dearly, more than they might have known, and since the 'accident' nothing had been the same, she felt lost and afraid, unloved, and incomplete. She had no one to turn to so she sought after other things which never seemed to be enough to fill the void that enveloped her heart.

Her tears flamed into rage.

"Is that all there is to life?" she cried out in desperation, "Only suffering and grief?" she flung the picture across the room and heard glass shatter.

The terrible noise surprised her and she walked over slowly to see the frame was now just a pile of glass and wood with one corner of the photograph peeking through. She knelt, loosened the picture away from the shards and held it close. Thoughts of the times she spent with her family filled her mind; she could no longer keep them away.

She remembered everything. Especially a particular game her siblings played when they were young. Their imaginations were wild, pretending an entirely different world existed where they ruled as Kings and Queens. Even as illogical and childish as it was she remembered it fondly. Her brothers and sister didn't push these games aside like she, no, they actually_ believed_ this world existed. They would always try to get her to talk about it but she'd just tell them how immature they were to still go on about silly little games, especially Peter. They would even get into rows with her about it.

She regretted it now – now that they were gone.

This game of theirs always brought them closer together and night and day, waking and sleeping, she was in joy and was always full of vigor, and as she pondered about it more and more with her hands clutching the photograph to her breast she began to understand.

Her head started to become clearer as she searched through her lost memories she kept hidden in the back of her mind. Perhaps this wasn't really 'imaginary' and everything was real. Just a thought about it gave her a feeling of hope. But it wasn't _them _or the world. It was something else – something she abandoned for the sake of the life she desperately wanted.

It was Him. A King over all high kings who had once called her Beloved and ruled her heart with unwavering love.

If everything she remembered was actually true then He would be also.

A few tears silently fell but her soul cried out in a way she never experienced. She was tired of pretending, tired of the life she led, tired of running with nowhere secure to turn. She knew couldn't go another day without a change.

"Be the King of this heart again," she prayed, "be the King of this heart."

After a long quiet she stood up slowly with the picture still in her grasp.

The darkness around her was gone and a golden light began to flood the room through the tiny window. Susan walked over and brushed aside the drapes with feeling of joy that could not keep her down, she felt complete, she loved and felt loved. Outside she saw a Lily opening up to the Sun above and she smiled knowingly.

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Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please review!

-HoN


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